Examining five different ways in which Facebook happens to ruin your relationship.
As Valentine’s Day nears, there will be a lot of talk on relationships, finding love and so on. We would talk about the same, too. It can be safely said that Facebook makes it damn easy to connect with your friends, but it can also make you disconnect from the one who matters most for you – your spouse.
Renowned psychologist John Grohol, founder of Psych Central, observes it happening all the time. As per Grohol, ‘Readily available communication on Facebook leads people to pursue temptation or engage in risky behaviors. Facebook makes it easy to engage in less inhibited communication — which can lead to taking risks we wouldn’t ordinarily take in our everyday life.’
Here are some issues that happen to create wedge between couples and how to avoid the same:
1. Watching other couples shower PDA on each other while you feel miserable: It is awfully common to watch people struggle while observing others portraying themselves in cheerful, perfect looking posts on the ace social networking site.” Several clients have told me, ‘I’ve had to get off Facebook. It makes me crazy.’ They are struggling with the idealized view of others’ lives as portrayed in cheerful, perfect-looking posts on Facebook,” says Margaret Rutherford, psychologist based in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
2. Major arguments stem from over-sharing on Facebook: Over sharing on the site is a sure recipe for arguments. While you may feel the urge of posting your intimate moments on the site, collect some nice likes and shares, your partner may not share the enthusiasm. This paves way for a heated argument, or even worse. “Sharing too much can be a problem. One of my clients, Carolyn, had been working really hard,” recounts Alexandra Solomon, author and psychologist.
3. Checking on Facebook instead of each other: Are you aware what your partner is up to, whether he or she is comfortable with you checking on Facebook instead of focusing on your relation? “One of the issues I see come up most often is when one partner feels neglected because the other partner is on their phone checking out Facebook whenever they’re together. When I have clients express this concern, I encourage them to talk about it openly with their partner. I coach them on how to share their feelings using ‘I’ statements and to directly state if they are feeling ‘upset’ or ‘neglected,” Jennifer Twardowski, relationship coach.
4. Catching up with old flames ignites fires: Stories of old flames hitting out on Facebook, leading to extra-marital affairs and cheating are becoming quite too often for comfort. While it may seem to be harmless fun in the beginning, it gets serious with time. Cheating on your partner is bad enough and having sex outside your relation is a sure red flag!
5. Checking the site just before going to bed is intimacy-killer: “If you’re chronically surfing Facebook when you could be going to bed with your partner, it can damage your relationship. Not only are you on your computer screen when your partner might be interested in relationship-enhancing conversation, physical intimacy, or a cuddle, you are likely tinkering with your natural sleep cues that could leave you sleep deprived. As I’ve told clients, avoid social media (and screens) at least one hour before bed in order to help you get the best sleep possible and so you can engage with your partner instead. Keep the bedroom a screen-free zone.” — Alicia H. Clark, psychologist from Washington, D.C.