How do relationships get balanced? What is the secret mojo behind long lasting relationships? Well, loving and trusting yourself might just be that mysterious ingredient. Being let down by anyone in the past is a frightening prospect and holds you from seeking a relation. Fear of getting cheated once again doesn’t let trust creep in and interdependence is the foremost casualty.
Scary and beautiful
Love seems to be beautiful and scary at the same time! Why do I say that?
- Beautiful – Because of the obvious reasons. Everything seems so bright. You may start feeling the presence of your loved one everywhere.
- Scary for the fact that your loved one could betray you at any given moment, just walk away never to return.
What is your coping mechanism?
Different people react to situations in a completely different manner. Some of them would completely shut down themselves and would hesitate committing themselves to a new relationship. Others happen to engage themselves in a self ruining one for too long. As per Margaret Paul, PhD, “Since people attract each other at their common level of woundedness or their common level of health, an unavailable person’s fear of commitment likely mirrors your fear of commitment.”
“Nothing awakens hurts like a close relationship. Our relationships stir up old feelings from our past more than anything else. Our brains are even flooded with the same neurochemical in both situations,” notes Dr.Lisa Firestone, a prominent psychiatrist and author.
So, are you ready for some tips for coming over your fear of rejection and moving on with your life? Here are some of them:
- Get aware of your past – Go back to your childhood and observe the patterns that might have an impact on choice of your partners. The chemistry between your parents, for instance, may yield any clue to that.
- Your role in the relationship dynamic – Are you having trust issues? You may have a reason to do so, but you have to be aware of your role in the relationship dynamic. Accept that your partner too may have his or her struggles.
- Drop that victimhood feeling – You got victimized once but avoid carrying that victimhood tag for eternity. Instead of focusing on the problem part, try focusing on your strengths that helped you to cope up with your struggles.
- Have some realistic expectations about your relationship – Disappointment and betrayal lurk just behind the smoky screen of dreams. Developing realistic expectations regarding your relationship is a smart way to proceed further. Soul mates and perfect partners might prove to be just fancy terms.
- Make a commitment only if you know him or her well – Studies have pointed that the chances of divorce get reduced significantly if you two have dated for at least two years and that you ought to be in your 20s to make a commitment to someone.
- Have a common ground, values and beliefs – Opposites do attract but you two ought to have a common ground, share values and beliefs for your relation to be stable.
Life goes on and you may be able to select a trustworthy partner by investing some time in their selection. Let bygone be bygone and failed relationships of past ought not to disrupt one in the future. Intimate relationships require self confidence and low self-esteem can only be detrimental.
Start with a positive intention like ‘I am capable of loving and being in a trustworthy relationship’. Let each day be a new one and hold images of past from haunting you. Make most of the opportunity at hand and best of luck!